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The following are tips for maintaining safety in a domestic violence situation: I. SAFETY DURING AN EXPLOSIVE INCIDENT A. If an argument seems unavoidable, try to have it in a room or area where you have access to an exit. Try to stay away from the bathroom, kitchen, bedroom, or anywhere else where weapons might be available. B. Practice how to get out of your home safely. Identify which doors, windows, elevator, or stairwell would be best. C. Have a packed bag ready and keep it at a relatives or friends home in order to leave quickly. D. Identify one or more neighbors you can tell about the violence and ask that they call the police if they hear a disturbance from your home. E. Devise a codeword to use with your children, family, friends, and neighbors when you need the police. F. Decide and plan for where you will go if you have to leave home (even if you don’t think you’ll need to). G. Use your own instincts and judgment. If the situation is very dangerous, consider giving the abuser what s/he wants to calm him/her down. You have the right to protect yourself until you are out of danger. H. Remember- YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE HIT OR THREATENED!!
II. SAFETY WHEN PREPARING TO LEAVE A. Open a savings account and/or credit card in your own name to start to establish or increase your independence. Think of other ways in which you can increase your independence. B. Get your own post office box. You can privately receive checks and letters to increase your independence. C. Leave money, an extra set of keys, copies of important documents, extra medicines, and clothes with someone you trust so you can leave quickly. D. Determine who would be able to let you stay with them or leave money. E. Keep the shelter hotline phone number close at hand and keep some change or a calling card on you at all times for emergency phone calls. F. Remember- LEAVING YOUR BATTERER IS THE MOST DANGEROUS TIME! Review your safety plan as often as possible in order to plan the safest way to leave your batterer.
III. SAFETY IN YOUR OWN HOME A. Change the locks on your doors as soon as possible. Buy additional locks and safety devices to secure your windows. B. Discuss a safety plan for your children for when you are not with them. C. Inform your children’s school, day care, etc. about who has permission to pick up your children. D. Inform neighbors and landlord that your partner no longer lives with you and that they should call the police if they see him/her near your home.
IV. SAFETY WITH A PROTECTION ORDER A. Keep your protection order on you at all times. (When you change your purse or wallet, that should be the first thing that goes in it). Give a copy to a trusted neighbor, friend, or family member. B. Call the police if your partner breaks the protection order. C. Think of alternative ways to keep safe if the police do not respond right away. D. Inform family, friends, neighbors, and your physician or health care provider that you have a protection order in effect.
V. SAFETY ON THE JOB AND IN PUBLIC A. Decide who at work you will inform of your situation. This could include office or building security. Provide a picture of your batterer if possible. B. Arrange to have an answering machine, caller I.D., or a trusted friend or relative screen your calls if possible. C. Devise a safety plan for when you leave work. Have someone escort you to your car, bus, or train, and wait with you until you are safely on your way. Use a variety of routes to go to and from your home if possible. Think about what you would do if something happened while going home (i.e. in your car, on the bus, etc.).
VI. YOUR SAFETY & EMOTIONAL HEALTH A. If you are thinking of returning to a potentially abusive situation, discuss an alternative plan with someone you trust. B. If you have to communicate with your partner, determine the safest way to do so. C. Have positive thoughts about yourself and be assertive with others about your needs. Read books, articles, and poems to help you feel stronger. D. Decide who you can call to talk freely and openly to give you the support you need. E. Plan to attend a woman’s or victim’s support group for at least 2 weeks to gain support from others and learn more about yourself and your relationships.
WHAt you will need to take with you when you leave IDENTIFICATION _____Driver’s license _____Children’s birth certificates _____Your birth certificate _____Social security card _____Welfare identification FINANCIAL_____Money and/or credit cards _____Bank books _____Checkbooks LEGAL PAPERS_____YOUR RESTRAINING ORDER _____Lease, rental agreement, house deed _____Car registration & insurance papers _____Health and life insurance papers _____Medical records for you and your children _____School records _____Work permits/Green card/VISA _____Passport _____Divorce papers _____Custody papers OTHER_____House and car keys _____Medications _____Small, sellable objects/Jewelry _____Phone card/Address book _____Change of clothes for you & kids/toiletries
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Download a printable version of this Safety Planning Guide HERE |
